Rebel Kiss: A Historical Romance Novel (Scottish Rebels Book 1) Page 9

  Rowan was ashamed of himself for taking advantage of Anna in her moment of weakness, ashamed that he had given in albeit momentarily to the lustful desires of his body. He should have never allowed himself to touch her.

  He should have been stronger.

  Anna bowed her head in defeat, letting her feelings for Rowan rise to the surface. It was impossible to deny them any longer. Rowan kissed her on the forehead and exhaled slowly, trying to regain his shattered control.

  “I’m scared that you’re going to break my heart, Rowan,” Anna whispered, lowering her head to his chest, relishing the feel of his strong arms around her as he held her close.

  Rowan sighed and brought his hand up to cup Anna’s cheek, forcing her head up off of his chest so that she would look into his eyes. “I wouldna do that, sweetheart,” he said softly. His fingers trailed lovingly down Anna’s neck. He traced the line of the gold chain about her neck with his index finger, stopping to brush over the freshwater pearl. “I would never do that, Anna,” he whispered.

  “I’m afraid that you will have no choice,” Anna said as she met Rowan’s eyes.

  “I’ll speak tae yer family when we arrive in Williamsburg,” Rowan said as he brought his hand back up her neck and threaded his fingers through Anna’s hair. “I’ll ask for permission to court ye, all proper and the like.”

  Anna leaned into Rowan’s touch, closing her eyes at the sweet promise that his words held. Rowan was breaking his promise already, for Anna felt her heart beginning to ache.

  “You cannot do that,” she whispered, opening her eyes. “He will never…my uncle will never…” her words trailed off. Tears began to well in Anna’s eyes as she looked up at Rowan.

  Rowan felt his breath hitch in his throat. He tore his hands away from Anna abruptly.

  “Just what are ye saying, Anna?” Rowan asked, his voice harsh.

  Anna said nothing. She reached out to touch Rowan and he took a step away from her.

  “Are ye saying that he will never accept my request because I’m no good enough tae court ye?” Rowan asked, his words heated. “Has all of this meant nothing tae ye?” he asked, his eyes filled with hurt.

  “No!” Anna refuted, reaching out to touch Rowan’s chest.

  He pushed her hand away.

  “Sae I’m good enough tae kiss ye, good enough for ye tae toy with at yer leisure, but not good enough tae bring home tae yer family? Is that how it is, Anna?” Rowan seethed.

  “It’s complicated, Rowan! Please let me explain,” Anna begged as she grabbed at Rowan’s shirt. Tears stung at her eyes as she watched the hurt of her words play openly across Rowan’s face.

  Rowan pushed her hands away and took a step backwards.

  “I see how it is, Anna. I’m sure that I wasna meant tae have ye, Anna,” Rowan said with a forlorn expression. He quickly turned and walked down the hallway to the room he would share with his brothers, leaving Anna standing alone with her regrets in the hallway.

  Chapter Eight

  Anna awoke just after dawn, not having slept very well on account of the emotions reverberating from her confrontation with Rowan in the hallway. She fought to push him from her thoughts, but was unsuccessful. What she would say to him in the morning? How awkward would be between them?

  Spilling some water from the earthenware pitcher and into the basin, Anna splashed water on her face. The hearth fire had gone out in the night, leaving the small room chilled. She pulled her dress on over her shift and quickly ran the brush through her hair, opting to tie it back today to make traveling easier. Her thoughts about Rowan couldn’t be shaken. They were lodged firmly in her mind, making it impossible to think of anything besides the resentment that she had seen upon his handsome face.

  Has all of this meant nothing to you? Rowan’s heated words echoed through Anna’s mind. The sting of Rowan’s words coupled with the hurt that Anna had seen in his emerald green eyes wrenched her heart.

  She had led Rowan along like a common harlot, toying recklessly with his emotions. It had never been her intention to hurt Rowan. And hurt him she had done. It had been right there, etched on his face. And Anna hated herself for that.

  Her heart wouldn’t allow her to repress the truth. Rowan Murray had sparked something within her. Something real. Something true. Even if it was something that she had no right or reason to explore. Despite knowing that she could never have him and that entertaining her feelings for Rowan could only yield pain, Anna felt the truth resounding within her. Every beat of her fragile heart screamed it, as if beating the drum of truth.

  She wanted Rowan Murray. Perhaps she was falling in love with him.

  And Anna knew that she was helpless to fight against the feelings that were already lodged so firmly in her heart.

  Perhaps she loved him already.

  Anna forced the thought from her mind. She closed the bedroom door behind and stepped into the hallway with her chin held high. A deep, cleansing breath filled her lungs. Anna exhaled slowly, preparing herself for what lie ahead. Waiting until her rapidly beating heart stilled, she straightened her spine and went down the stairs to meet the Murray brothers.

  Malcolm and Rowan were waiting impatiently for her by the front door of the inn, clearly eager to get on the road. The small inn bustled with the comings and goings of patrons, the little bell that hung over the door jingling loudly as a group of men walked into the room. Anna walked past the men, who stood speaking with the innkeeper. She smiled shakily at Malcolm, coming to stand by his side. She dared not look at Rowan.

  “Good morning, sleepyhead,” said Malcolm cheerily as he smiled and gave Anna a cold biscuit for breakfast. “Ye’ll have tae eat it on the road. We need tae meet Quinn straight away.”

  Anna felt Rowan’s eyes burn across her flesh. She looked over at him and felt her heart race when their eyes locked. Rowan was standing rigid as a board in the doorway of the inn. He held eye contact with her for a moment longer than was comfortable, jaw clenched tightly and then walked out into the street without speaking to her. Anna had expected it to be uncomfortable between them after what had happened last night, but she had not expected Rowan to treat her so coldly.

  The sting of Rowan’s cool gaze echoed through her, chilling her blood.

  Anna followed Malcolm out of the inn. Rowan walked ahead down the dirt road, choosing to keep to himself.

  “Rowan’s in a surly mood this morning,” Malcolm remarked over his shoulder. He slowed his gait and waited for Anna, offering her his elbow.

  Anna slipped her hand into the crook of Malcolm’s arm, thankful that her rebuff of his attentions hadn’t altered their easy relationship. “Is he this way often?”

  “No. Rowan’s even keeled. Steady. Unless something’s eating at him. Then he can fly off the handle. He’s got a temper.”

  “I see,” Anna said, swallowing past the lump that had gathered in her throat. She felt guilty, knowing that she was the reason that Rowan was surly. She walked down the road with Malcolm in silence, lost in her thoughts. Anna watched Rowan, her eyes studying his broad shoulders and his purposeful stride.

  “I’d best go see what’s plaguing him,” Malcolm said, his eyebrows knit together with worry. He patted Anna’s hand and then released it, running down the road to catch up with Rowan.

  A sinking feeling settled in the pit of Anna’s stomach. She knew that Rowan would say nothing to Malcolm. But she hated to see Rowan upset, especially on her account. She wanted so badly to take away his hurt. She wanted to beg his forgiveness and explain everything to him. Perhaps then Rowan would understand.

  Anna wanted Rowan to understand that she did want him.

  And she needed him to understand why her heart wasn’t free to give.

  Anna followed after the brothers, who were walking briskly towards the north end of the village. It was difficult to keep up with them and she had to jog twice to close the distance that their hell-bent strides had put between them. She wasn’t sure what the hurry was, bu
t it was evident that the Murrays were on a mission to meet Quinn, whatever he had been up to. Anna watched as Malcolm and Rowan chatted amicably, wondering what on earth they were talking about. The primitive road that led north out of the small town had narrowed and was now closeted on both sides by densely forested terrain.

  About a half mile outside of the village, Quinn whistled and stepped into the road revealing himself from where he had been concealed in the deep undergrowth of the forest. Trailing obediently behind him were two horses, their reins grasped tightly in Quinn’s right hand.

  “Good mornin’ tae ye,” Quinn said, eyes sparkling mischievously.

  “Aye, it looks tae be quite a good morning,” Rowan said, nodding in approval of his brother’s most recent acquisition. Quinn reached forward and handed the reins of a large sorrel horse to Rowan, who took them handily and reached his outstretched hand up to the muzzle of the horse so that it could smell him. “A canty lass, are ye?” Rowan spoke softly to the horse as she nuzzled him, stroking her velvety muzzle.

  Anna watched as Rowan introduced his smell and his touch to the mare. It was clear that he loved horses by the manner in which he treated this animal. His large hand patted the mare approvingly on the neck and slid down her withers.

  Anna suddenly wished that Rowan’s hands were touching her and not the horse. Her heart began beating faster as she remembered how Rowan’s hands had felt on her skin last night in the hallway. Her heart clenched when she remembered how she had hurt Rowan. Tears stung at the back of her eyes.

  “I think that ye’ll need tae pray for me again today,” remarked Quinn haughtily, snapping Anna out of the trance of watching Rowan gentle the horse.

  “I’ll do that,” Anna whispered, glancing up at Quinn as he pulled the larger black horse from the forest and onto the road. In less than twenty-four hours the Murrays had gambled and stolen horses. Anna silently wondered what treachery was next.

  “C’mon Malcolm,” Quinn said, deftly mounting the black horse. “Ye’ll have tae ride with me today. I could only find these two.”

  Anna panicked, realizing that if Malcolm rode with Quinn, she would have to ride with Rowan. She glanced wildly in Rowan’s direction and it was evident from the way that he gritted his teeth together and glared in her direction that he had reached the same conclusion.

  “Actually, I would prefer to ride with Quinn today,” Anna offered cheerily. “We haven’t had much time to get to know each other,” she said, walking briskly towards the large black horse and raising up her hand so that Quinn could help her up onto the horse.

  “Suit yerself,” Quinn said, taking Anna’s hand and pulling her up onto his lap.

  Anna settled her skirts around herself and leaned back against Quinn. Her spine was as rigid as a board. She could sense that Quinn was uncomfortable with the intimacy of their close bodily contact. The muscles of his thighs were tense beneath her legs. Anna sighed and let out the breath that she had been holding. Anything was better than riding with Rowan.

  “Ready?” Quinn asked, putting his left arm about Anna’s middle. “Hold on!” was the only warning that she received before he spurred the horse into motion. The stallion took off like lightning down the road, leaving Rowan and Malcolm standing in a cloud of dust.

  ..ooOoo..

  Quinn pushed the horses hard, riding until the sun was high in the sky. He desired to put distance between his brothers and the unlucky previous owners of the horses. Late in the afternoon, he slowed his horse to a walk, gauging that they had covered sufficient distance. The stallion was lathered and sweaty from keeping up the breakneck pace and snorted loudly in appreciation as Quinn let the reins go slack, allowing him to amble along slowly down the road.

  Following suit, Rowan reined his mare to a stop and allowed Malcolm to slide down off the back of the horse. Malcolm walked next to Rowan who still sat astride the mare, stretching his legs and giving the horse a respite from the burden of carrying two. Moments later, Rowan slid down from the mare and slowed his pace, lagging behind Quinn and Anna as he walked next to his youngest brother.

  “What happened to you?” Anna asked boldly, breaking the silence and seizing her opportunity alone with Quinn. His unusual manner and tormented eyes had perplexed her. Quinn had barely spoken to her since the ship wreck. Something was tormenting him. It was if some demon plagued him, drawing him into pensive thought and causing him to withdraw from his brothers.

  “What do ye mean?” Quinn responded, pretending not to understand what Anna was asking about. His body went rigid with tension beneath Anna.

  Anna placed her hand atop Quinn’s. “I should have never asked, please forgive me,” Anna said as she looked into the forest, collecting her thoughts. “It’s just that you aren’t like them, you’re so different from your brothers. You seem broken somehow…” she trailed off, unable to find the right words.

  There was a long silence, which caused Anna to regret having brought the topic up. She wondered how long it would take before all three Murray brothers refused to talk to her.

  “That’s because I am broken,” Quinn whispered, adjusting the reins in his right hand, astonished that Anna had seen right through his ruse of normalcy and straight into his soul.

  “Even broken things can mend,” Anna said softly, placing her hand atop Quinn’s and gently stroking the back of his hand with her thumb. She wanted to somehow ease his pain. She felt Quinn’s muscles relax beneath her and he began to talk.

  “Her name was Mairi,” Quinn said, clearing his throat. The pain of speaking her name aloud reverberated through his body.

  Anna felt Quinn go tense beneath her once again. “There’s no need to tell me, Quinn. Please forgive me for asking. I see that speaking of her is painful,” Anna apologized as she squeezed Quinn’s hand.

  Ignoring Anna’s protests, Quinn continued, “And since they killed her, I’m just the leftover shell of a man. I doona think that it will do ye much good tae pray for my soul Anna, because it’s long gone. Not everything that is broken can be mended.”

  Pain was heavy in Quinn’s voice. Anna knew that Mairi’s death had caused him to retreat into the solace he found in being quietly controlled, angry with life, not really living.

  “She grew up on the farm next tae ours. I spent all of the years when I was about Malcolm’s age chasin’ after her, trying tae get her tae notice me,” Quinn said, chuckling softly as he remembered how hard he had worked to capture Mairi’s attention. “All the lads wanted her. She was beautiful. Her hair was as black as the night sky and she had these grey eyes that could look right intae yer soul.”

  Anna leaned back against Quinn and listened quietly, allowing him to talk. She could tell from the way that that his words spilled forth that he was now lost in his memories of the woman that he had loved. Perhaps it would bide Quinn well to speak of her.

  “I doona ken what she finally saw in me, but when she gave me her heart she gave me the whole damn thing. Her love was like fire. It consumed me. With just one look of those gray eyes she could get me tae do anything for her,” Quinn smiled, remembering how it had felt to be loved so completely. “She was my best friend. We were inseparable.”

  Anna began to understand why Quinn acted the way that he did, quietly withdrawn, distant. The horse’s hooves gritted against the gravel of the road, the only sound in the quiet forest. Quinn was quiet now. He was thinking of Mairi.

  Anna focused on the steady, rolling gait of the horse and waited to see if Quinn would continue. He had shared enough already, giving her a glimpse into his shattered heart. She would not ask Quinn to relive his painful memories. Anna wished that she could retract her naïve question, but now that Quinn was talking, bearing his soul to her, she felt committed and knew that she had no choice but to allow him to continue if he spoke further.

  “Her father went with ours. They had been friends forever and they never returned from the Rising.”

  “I’m so sorry,” Anna whispered, intimately knowing t
he pain of losing a parent. “Quinn, you mustn’t tell me more if it is too painful. I can see that it’s difficult, and I regret that I asked you. Sometimes I forget my place,” Anna protested solemnly, wringing her hands together in her lap.

  “I’ve not spoken of it since it happened,” Quinn said, swallowing hard. “Now that I’ve started, it feels right tae let it out,” Quinn confided, speaking softly. “And ye seem tae be a good listener.” He guided the horse up the road, making a subtle clicking sound with his tongue.

  “Just know that you may stop if you wish. I will not press you further,” Anna insisted, feeling another pang of guilt as Quinn continued with his story.

  “Before her Da left, he asked me tae take care of her. And I asked for his blessing on our marriage. I should have marrit her right then, found a priest and…” his words were wrought with emotion.

  “You couldn’t have known, Quinn,” Anna whispered softly, knowing how miserable memories could be when you wished that you had done something differently.

  “But I told him that I would take care of her, and I failed,” Quinn said, tears now threatening to flow from his eyes as he grieved Mairi’s loss again. Using his shoulder, he wiped harshly at his eyes. “Rowan wanted tae go along with Da. He has always been a rebel and he wanted tae fight with our clansmen in the Rising, wanted tae help defeat the English. Da wouldna allow it and forced Rowan tae stay behind so that he could help me protect Mairi and raise Malcolm. Da saved Rowan’s life. Rowan’s always been hot headed, probably would have gotten himself killed tryin’ tae do something heroic in battle.”

  Anna began to understand the challenges and struggles that the Murrays had suffered in their short lives. Her heart went out to the brothers; losing both of their parents must have been so difficult. Anna felt a pang of guilt as she realized that her financial problems were not so terrible. Her problems paled in comparison to the hardships that the Murrays had endured.